My range today: 50 to 318. Wow. I'm awesome.
*EDIT*
I just had an "ah ha!" moment. I realized the source of my highs. I'm premenstral. The source of my lows is probably over correcting, or, as some call it, rage bolusing. At least I know what the problem is! Now, I can attempt to fix it. Yahoo!

Sorry to everyone about my last couple of negative posts.
I am just really frustrated right now. I am seriously considering taking a pump break, but I don't know how. I have an endocrinologist appointment in a couple of weeks, and I think I'll ask about it then. Has anyone done think kind of pump break? I'm thinking about doing lantus with a humalog pen. I'm not sure how long. It will probably take me a week or so, and I'll be sick of it. But after 6 years on the pump, I think that maybe a pump break is a good idea.
In other news, my numbers have been HORRIBLE. My average from the past 2 days is 244. That doesn't include today where I've been 234, 137 (wohoo!),273 (I knew it wouldn't last),249, 215, 348 and 361 (site change time!).
Things to look forward to this week: Getting to sleep in for 2 hours on Wednesday, thursday- meeting with a friend from diabetes camp, and saturday: Winter Fantasia (college prom). I am going to focus on these thing this week, and maybe I'll make it!

PS I promise this negative streak won't last forever!

I want to quit.
I know I can't.
I HATE my pump right now. I want to rip out the site and throw my pump through the window.
I just spent close to an hour trying to change my site.
The dry winter weather is getting to my skin. My sites dry out underneath, so I can't use the same area for a long time. My stomach has been very sensitive lately, and site insertions hurt like #(#@*). I like using the area more toward the back, but I have a rash on that area. The area on my arms is plain used up. I decided I was going to try my thigh/hip. I just couldn't do it. I couldn't imagine sticking something 6mm deep into my thigh. I don't know why, I just couldn't get over it. Is there anyone who uses this area with a quick set that could share some tips?
I'm just so FRUSTRATED!!!!
I seriously considered just giving myself a shot and leaving the pump off. I still haven't ruled it out. I know that after like a day, I would be sick of it, so I finally gave up and put the stupid thing in my stomach. I got tears in my eyes it hurt so bad. I had to stand there for a second before I could pull the insertion needle out. I still kind of hurts. I might end up tearing it out, but the last 2 I pulled out were perfectly fine.
UUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sorry, I'm ranting, I know, but I am EXTREMELY FRUSTRATED!
Now I'm back to studying for my chem midterm......

This is my answer to my lack of boyfriend, compliments of Build-A-Bear. He brings me flowers everyday. He smiles at me all the time. He can not leave, or say anything wrong (or anything right, but that is besides the point).
He is my Mr. Wonderful.

Happy Valentines Day to me!

Failure

Have you ever had one of those days where you feel like a failure? Yesterday was one of those days for me. It was my first day back to class after Winter Break. I woke up really, really early. Our room was a million degrees. I changed my clothes and went back to bed. I didn't check my blood sugar. Strike one. I got up for class a little early to study for my chem quiz. I didn't really end up studying, but I wasn't really that worried about it. Strike two. As I was about to leave for class, I realized I didn't do an assignment for my Psyc class. I ran downstairs, and quickly fill in the answers off the CD. Strike three. It's a good thing I was going to class early. I got to my first class of the day, chemistry and got my first exam back. I got an 80 %. Not horrific, but I thought it was easy. Strike four. I sit down, and the prof tells everyone to pass their homework in. The homework I knew nothing about, because I never bothered to double check the website. Strike five. In my 10 minute break between chem and psyc, I realize I hadn't eaten anything yet that day, and I was starving. Strike six.. I look in my backpack and I have nothing to eat. Strike seven. Later, I go to my anatomy class. I get yet another exam back, and I got a 77%. That one hurt. Strike eight. He ended up adding 2 points, so it was really a 79. That exam was killer, and everyone did badly.
8 strikes, and the day was only half over. Who is going to throw me out of the game? Please I could use a nap! I also realized yesterday I was taking crappy care of myself. Yeah, that's a bad sentence, but I don't care. I checked myself 4 times yesterday. yes, only 4. I ate pizza, and didn't do an extended bolus. I went about 8 hours at one point without checking. And you know what? I don't really care. I'm trying to do better today, but yesterday, I couldn't handle it. I couldn't tackle the brain memory to test every few hours, to remember to bolus before I ate (I am really bad at that) and to figure out how much I was going to drop that night.
Ahhh. That felt good. I, in a sense, got my day off. It was a crappy day overall. I wouldn't want to repeat it, but it's over now. Yes, I suck. But I'm OK with that.
It's the weekend in 2 days, and spring break in 28.

Happy

Singles

Awareness

Day!

Otherwise known as Valentines day.

I hope everyone had a great day!

I've decided that technology doesn't like me.
My Cozmonitor died today. E4. Consult users Manual. User manual says to call Cozmo. I call them, they say to try changing the battery. I make a trip out to Meijer (kinda like Wal-mart) and pay $1.99 for a new battery. This is the second time I've had this lovely E4 error, and I know full well it's not the battery, but I will make the service people happy and try it anyway. I put the new, shiny battery in, and low and behold, yet another E4 error. I called Cozmo yet again. After waiting on hold, I go through the whole "did it get wet", "did you drop it" thing again. Finally he asks me my shipping address. This has become a tricky question for me. Sometimes I live in the dorm. Sometimes I live at home. Sometimes, like this weekend, I'm on a school break, and I'm at other places. I take and chance and have it shipped to my house. He thinks it will be there Monday. It's a good thing I like that little silver flash meter! It's still a pain, but I think I'll manage.
If there is one thing having diabetes for 17 years has taught me, its the "smile and nod" routine. Oh, your great uncle had diabetes and had both his legs cut off? That's nice. Smile and nod. Oh? There is an herbal cure advertised on Saturday afternoon TV? That's nice. Smile and nod. The customer service guy recommends I put a piece of tape on the end of the Cozmonitor so dust and lint can't get in when it's in my pocket? Smile and nod. (or, since it's on the phone, "ok. I'll try that!") Smile and nod, smile and nod, smile and nod.......

PS For all the mothers out there, I am getting lots of sleep. I went to bed at 10.30 last night. 10:30!! That's crazy early! I am still very tired, but that's about as bad as it's gotten.

Here it comes....

The flu has been going around my dorm.
I haven't been feeling the greatest, mostly I've been really tired.
Now I have a headache and a low grade fever.
The good news: My blood sugar is 166.
The bad news: That basal check I did this morning is now void and useless. UGH!

I. Am. SO. Excited.
I have a room mate for next year.
I don't have to go through the nervous agony of going pot-luck again next year.
Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my room mate this year. We get along great. We even seriously considered living together next year, but she decided to live with someone else. That left me wondering what I was going to do. Then yesterday, a girl I kind of know came and asked me to live with her next year! I talked to her about the whole, are you OK with needles and blood, and she told me her Grandpa was diabetic. *sigh* We'll deal with the type 1 vs. type 2 thing later. The point is, she's OK with needles and stuff, and I have a HUGE weight off of my mind!
Just wanted to share my joy!

The many adventures of pumping

Grant was delivered today.
The UPS guy kindly let the girl next door sign for it. I'm so glad she told me as soon as I got back. *sarcasm* I had to ask her specifically if the UPS guy had come before she remembered.
I now have 3 Cozmo pumps in my room. That's roughly $18,000 worth of equipment. Yikes!
I took pictures of them. Jeremiah is on the left, Fred is in the middle and Grant is on the right. You can see the bedspread I made in the background. I'm not sure Grant's name is going to stick. I think I like Jeremiah Jr. better. We shall see.....
This morning, my room mate woke me up, saying my pump was beeping. The alarms NEVER wake me up. She often hears them, so she wake me up, and I take care of it. I took out my pump, but it wasn't beeping. Then I heard a beeping that sound a LOT like a pump. I got up and went over to the box that Fred was in. I had forgotten to take out the battery, so the automatic off alarm was going off. It was vibrating and beeping a LOT. It sounded like something was alive inside the box. We (my room mate and I) had a good laugh about it afterwards. I am not the most coherent person in the morning, so the two pump confusion was a little much for my brain.
For the first time ever, my tubing broke off from the cartridge. I was really mad when it happened. 5 minutes before class, and it just broke clean off. That didn't give me a whole lot of time to chance it. I change the site, cartridge and tubing every 3 days. I have no idea why it would just break off like that. Has anyone had this happen to them? What do you do to prevent it?
I went to the mall tonight with my mom tonight. I went low twice. Well, the number wasn't really that low (81 both times) but I sure felt low. After dinner that was sure to make me go high (lemonade and cheesecake, both evil) I tested at 365. After I tested after an hour, I realized the meter was coded wrong. So now I'm wondering if I was lower than 81.
So, yeah. That's the highlights of my day. One pump to another to yet another. A record breaking site change. 2 lows and a very high that left me with a headache and nausea. All in a day's work.
*edit* Does anyone have a good, blank blood sugar log? I hate the print outs from the Cozmo, and the one I have is just so-so.

The short life of Fred.

Fred arrived today. I came back from class, and he was sitting there. I started unpacking him, and my room mate proclaimed his name to be Fred. I looked Fred over. The touch bolus button was different. It was more plastic like. That was a design fault of the older pumps. The button repeatedly fell off. I put a battery in. I loaded an empty cartridge to try it out. Fred just didn't feel like Jeremiah did. I turned them over side-by-side. They looked very similar. I couldn't put my figure on it. I didn't like this new pump. Jeremiah and I had gotten along well for a year and a half. He served me well. I felt foolish. It's just a piece of equipment, but I didn't want him to leave. I started rationalizing why I didn't really need a new pump. A crack in the casing isn't that big of a deal, right? Then I turned the back light on both and held them side-by-side. I knew then what the difference was. The back light of Fred was much dimmer than the backlight on Jeremiah. After another call to Deltec, another new pump is on it's way. Both Fred and Jeremiah will be going back to Deltec tomorrow. Who knows what this new pump will be like? Will it be a boy or a girl? What will it's name be? Why is it that I get so attached to a piece of equipment? Who knows!